Autopsy of the ‘Self’


If you can see, hear or feel, you tend to critique. It’s a human nature that is found in all but can be found in different ratios of usage. Some go to the extreme whereas some stay medial of their views. In cases of external critique, you are not affected. But when it comes to self-criticism, it does not end much well.

We do not just end our critique with others, we bring it along to ourselves as well. That is when things don’t go the way they are supposed to. We end up not liking what we see, and we also compare ourselves to the rest of the world, while losing focus of all that we are in within ourselves.

Self-esteem comes down and so does confidence. You start downgrading yourself and eventually the world will also follow after you. When that happens, it’s not the world to blame but yourself, of what you had brought to your own door.

Look at yourself for improvement, not for disprovement of what you are. Be proud of yourself and you will realize the world looking at you in the same way.

“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.”
Aldous Huxley


What’s it like being an ‘eccedentesiast’?


Hard and difficult times calls for much patience and control. Trying not to drown in it, is an effort that every Homo sapiens put up. Some succeed while others are not as lucky. These times bring not only mental instability but physical as well. How they cope and overcome differs for different people and situations.

One thing we all do when we go down emotionally, is put up a fake front. It helps most of us endure our surroundings as well as protect the ones next to us. We feel indebted to not let the others feel as bad as we (by ‘we’, I mean the compassionate ones among us – the others I cannot vouch for). Keeping it all in and pulling yourself through the test of times, brings on a feeling of betterment and achievement. When it does get worse, a shoulder to rely on will always help immensely.

Eccedentesiast is what most of us are and try to be. We hide behind a smile that does not reach our eyes and foil up our emotions into ourselves. Hiding and not letting the people know somehow gives us a satisfaction that what we are doing is right, when at times it is quite the opposite. We might burn out our passion and drive along the way and end up being a completely different person.

A fake smile is an achievement and a lose at the same instant. An achievement of being able to smile at the face of the worst, but a lose in not being able to share one’s thoughts and feelings across.

She finally let go of her fake smile and tears slowly rolled down her face as she whispered to herself, “I don’t want to be me”.

Total Control

Control Key on Computer Keyboard

Control..What does it entail? Does it entail physical or mental strength? How much can we control? Does controlling satisfy our needs or does it make it dire?

Let’s look at the world from a far and crystal perspective. We see things under control and things not under control. Nature, people and the world in its whole seem to wrestle between the two options- to be controlled and not to be controlled. Controlling our surroundings and even ourselves- does it help us? It is a question that keeps coming to my mind.

People seem to think that controlling helps them determine and understand themselves and their vicinity. But does it? Everything in this world cannot be controlled. And that includes humans as well. Unless they are willing to be controlled, no one can be put into the net. So why do people think that control can help them achieve what they want. Can’t they just live life to its maximum doing what they have to, controlling what they can, rather than reach the skies for something that is not and was never meant for their domination.

Yes, leaders lead and followers follow. But why do they destroy the planet and themselves trying to possess things that could never be possessed. Natural selection helps in helping the survival of the fittest. So why do we have to interfere and cause much damage to something that would have been better left alone. Be it emotions or actions or even in leading, total control is not possible and would be preferable to not be pursued.

“Life is to be lived, not controlled; and humanity is won by continuing to play in face of certain defeat.”
Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man